... well, you fill it in. It's cold out there. And windy. But I committed to a ride - and I'm announcing it here for the whole world to see, so that tomorrow, when people are saying, "Hey, John, how was the ride?" I won't respond with something like, "Well, you know, it was a little cold outside, and I hadn't seen the latest episode of LOST, so I just stayed in and kept warm." Nope - I'm going to do it. Hold me to it.
Here's another one - I'm officially on a diet. For two years now, I've been saying that I need to lose 20 pounds. This time, it's happening. Hold me to it as well.
By the way, did I mention that it's cold out?
In other news, Sara's fundraising is going great (click that link over there on the right to go see for yourself). People are generous and never fail to amaze me. She's getting really comfortable on her new bike as well. We'll be setting her clipless pedals up this week, then I won't be able to catch her. :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Winner
I don't like the word "survivor". Not as a label for someone who has battled or is battling cancer. The picture that comes into my mind when I hear that word is someone standing battered and dazed after a tornado hit their house in the middle of the night. The look of being caught off guard; the look that says "what the hell was that?"
Here's another image: the sweat-and-blood-covered boxer standing in the ring, arms overhead. He didn't "survive" - he WON. I didn't stand by while things happened to me, hoping for survival - I fought - physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I fought for my life. And my family and friends were right there with me in the fight. This wasn't some passive experience of waiting for the force of nature to subside so I could take inventory of what was left - it was an active, knowing what's at stake, guarding everything of meaning, digging in for the long haul FIGHT. And I didn't survive it - I won.
My friend Carolyn is about to have her 6th of 8 chemo treatments. You should see the smile on her face and her passion for life. She's not done yet, but she's a winner. Jennifer just finished her treatments last fall and is still struggling to find her new normal. She's training for a half marathon. Less than a mile into the training run last Saturday, she had to slow down to catch her breath, still feeling the effects of the Bleomyacin and radiation. And here she is, pushing herself to reclaim her body. You should see the fight in her eyes. Not the look of a mere survivor. We've lost several friends on the Hodgkin's forum over the past couple of years - all of them winners. The cancer may have claimed their bodies, but it didn't claim their spirits.
My friend Neil wrote a song for a friend's neice who had recently been diagnosed with Leukemia. The song is called "World to Gain" and it reminds me of the life that I'll fight fiercely to live.
You want to put a label on me? Don't call me a survivor. I'm a winner.
Here's another image: the sweat-and-blood-covered boxer standing in the ring, arms overhead. He didn't "survive" - he WON. I didn't stand by while things happened to me, hoping for survival - I fought - physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I fought for my life. And my family and friends were right there with me in the fight. This wasn't some passive experience of waiting for the force of nature to subside so I could take inventory of what was left - it was an active, knowing what's at stake, guarding everything of meaning, digging in for the long haul FIGHT. And I didn't survive it - I won.
My friend Carolyn is about to have her 6th of 8 chemo treatments. You should see the smile on her face and her passion for life. She's not done yet, but she's a winner. Jennifer just finished her treatments last fall and is still struggling to find her new normal. She's training for a half marathon. Less than a mile into the training run last Saturday, she had to slow down to catch her breath, still feeling the effects of the Bleomyacin and radiation. And here she is, pushing herself to reclaim her body. You should see the fight in her eyes. Not the look of a mere survivor. We've lost several friends on the Hodgkin's forum over the past couple of years - all of them winners. The cancer may have claimed their bodies, but it didn't claim their spirits.
My friend Neil wrote a song for a friend's neice who had recently been diagnosed with Leukemia. The song is called "World to Gain" and it reminds me of the life that I'll fight fiercely to live.
You want to put a label on me? Don't call me a survivor. I'm a winner.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Blog revival...
So, it's been a while? Well, I originally started this blog two years ago to keep up with my century training and cancer recovery. I knocked the century out without a problem and my scans continue to be clean. That's the nutshell update.
Why am I back? This year, Sara (my daughter) and Chris (her boyfriend) have signed up to do AMBBR with Team in Training. AMBBR is America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride. It's a 100-mile trek around Lake Tahoe on a bike. Yes, in one day. It's the most amazing bike ride I've ever done and I can't wait to do it again. So, I'm going to! I'm actually the TnT cycling coach for our area this season. I'll be blogging training updates and such.
It's been fun to go back to the beginning of this blog and read the progress I made last time. It's also been a good reminder of why I did the ride in the first place. Sarah was one of the people who commented on my first post. She was a dear frient and lost her battle with Hodgkin's a year ago today. Another friend, Jesse, who commented on my last post, lost his wife Shannon to this disease last year. This season, they'll be with me in my heart on my training rides. I'll be riding in memory of them and the other friends we've lost to Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I'll be riding in honor of my friends who are still dealing with this disease.
Speaking of still dealing with it... I remember someone saying to me a year or so ago, "I bet you're glad to be done with cancer." I smiled and agreed, but in my mind I thought, "I'm still not done with it." It seems to always be peering around the corner at me, especially around scan time. I don't linger on it like I used to, but it's still there. The scar from my port is still noticeable - it itches all the time, and it's right where Dawn lays her head when we're laying in bed at night talking. Every time I get a tickle in my throat, a little voice in the back of my head says, "could it be... "
Last night, though, I was shown the effect that it's had on my family. Katherine has had a cold for a couple of weeks. She even lost her voice. Last night, with a look of fear that I've never seen in her, she came into the living room holding the side of her neck and said, "I can feel a swollen lymph node!" Sure enough, there it was on the side of her neck. To anyone else in the world, that's a sign of infection and your body trying to fight it. It's what lymph nodes do and it's normal. But to the daughter of a Lymphoma survivor - it's a sign of cancer. I explained to her that Hodgkin's is not hereditary, that her swollen node is normal for what she's fighting off, etc. But there it was again, right in our faces. It's not over.
And so, again this year, I'll push my body and train hard, I'll face my hills and headwinds out there on the road alongside my daughter and her boyfriend, and we'll be raising money to try to put a stop to this nonsense.
I'm back - stay tuned for updates. :)
Why am I back? This year, Sara (my daughter) and Chris (her boyfriend) have signed up to do AMBBR with Team in Training. AMBBR is America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride. It's a 100-mile trek around Lake Tahoe on a bike. Yes, in one day. It's the most amazing bike ride I've ever done and I can't wait to do it again. So, I'm going to! I'm actually the TnT cycling coach for our area this season. I'll be blogging training updates and such.
It's been fun to go back to the beginning of this blog and read the progress I made last time. It's also been a good reminder of why I did the ride in the first place. Sarah was one of the people who commented on my first post. She was a dear frient and lost her battle with Hodgkin's a year ago today. Another friend, Jesse, who commented on my last post, lost his wife Shannon to this disease last year. This season, they'll be with me in my heart on my training rides. I'll be riding in memory of them and the other friends we've lost to Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I'll be riding in honor of my friends who are still dealing with this disease.
Speaking of still dealing with it... I remember someone saying to me a year or so ago, "I bet you're glad to be done with cancer." I smiled and agreed, but in my mind I thought, "I'm still not done with it." It seems to always be peering around the corner at me, especially around scan time. I don't linger on it like I used to, but it's still there. The scar from my port is still noticeable - it itches all the time, and it's right where Dawn lays her head when we're laying in bed at night talking. Every time I get a tickle in my throat, a little voice in the back of my head says, "could it be... "
Last night, though, I was shown the effect that it's had on my family. Katherine has had a cold for a couple of weeks. She even lost her voice. Last night, with a look of fear that I've never seen in her, she came into the living room holding the side of her neck and said, "I can feel a swollen lymph node!" Sure enough, there it was on the side of her neck. To anyone else in the world, that's a sign of infection and your body trying to fight it. It's what lymph nodes do and it's normal. But to the daughter of a Lymphoma survivor - it's a sign of cancer. I explained to her that Hodgkin's is not hereditary, that her swollen node is normal for what she's fighting off, etc. But there it was again, right in our faces. It's not over.
And so, again this year, I'll push my body and train hard, I'll face my hills and headwinds out there on the road alongside my daughter and her boyfriend, and we'll be raising money to try to put a stop to this nonsense.
I'm back - stay tuned for updates. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)