Winner

I don't like the word "survivor". Not as a label for someone who has battled or is battling cancer. The picture that comes into my mind when I hear that word is someone standing battered and dazed after a tornado hit their house in the middle of the night. The look of being caught off guard; the look that says "what the hell was that?"

Here's another image: the sweat-and-blood-covered boxer standing in the ring, arms overhead. He didn't "survive" - he WON. I didn't stand by while things happened to me, hoping for survival - I fought - physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I fought for my life. And my family and friends were right there with me in the fight. This wasn't some passive experience of waiting for the force of nature to subside so I could take inventory of what was left - it was an active, knowing what's at stake, guarding everything of meaning, digging in for the long haul FIGHT. And I didn't survive it - I won.

My friend Carolyn is about to have her 6th of 8 chemo treatments. You should see the smile on her face and her passion for life. She's not done yet, but she's a winner. Jennifer just finished her treatments last fall and is still struggling to find her new normal. She's training for a half marathon. Less than a mile into the training run last Saturday, she had to slow down to catch her breath, still feeling the effects of the Bleomyacin and radiation. And here she is, pushing herself to reclaim her body. You should see the fight in her eyes. Not the look of a mere survivor. We've lost several friends on the Hodgkin's forum over the past couple of years - all of them winners. The cancer may have claimed their bodies, but it didn't claim their spirits.

My friend Neil wrote a song for a friend's neice who had recently been diagnosed with Leukemia. The song is called "World to Gain" and it reminds me of the life that I'll fight fiercely to live.

You want to put a label on me? Don't call me a survivor. I'm a winner.